Secrets kept, don’t mean avoiding help
Are you in a painful relationship? This can be something that is not only difficult to admit to yourself, but nearly impossible to share with anyone else. Keeping your troubles a secret is a natural human instinct, and one that can be quite harmful in the even that you find yourself in a co-dependent relationship.
These types of relationships are unhealthy, and those who are in them or who have been in them once before will continue to have a difficult time creating a healthy relationship with their loved ones. Including, but not limited to their friends, family, and romantic partners. Where do you turn? While there are many therapists, counselors, and life coaches who have brick and mortar offices in most every community. Churches offer counseling, 12 step groups are in great abundance. But….what do you do if you are too scared or unsure to seek help in these manners?
I often think of battered women, and how hard they work to keep their secret from the rest of the world. Getting these victims to admit the situation they are in is nearly impossible until they hit rock bottom. That doesn’t mean they don’t want help just that they are uncomfortable admitting it to others and seeking out professional assistance. There are tools available to these individuals that will allow them to take steps in the right direction without having to take the final step of admitting the problems they are surrounded by to the rest of the world.
Similar stories exist for many types of relationships, for instance a husband whose wife is addicted to prescription drugs. She is mean, she is hateful, and yet he protects her from the communities prying eyes. He becomes obsessive about making sure that no one knows her weakness, he takes the verbal abuse, and he works every moment of the day to ensure that he is doing everything possible to keep her happy… as happy as he can that is. This man is ashamed of the position he finds himself in, he retreats into himself rather than speaking to a professional. The reality is, he doesn’t need to continue to suffer in such a way. There is help available for him that does not require that he immediately tell the world all of his woes.
This may sound like I’m telling you that you don’t need to seek out professional help for yourself and your loved one. That’s not it all. What I am saying is that there are alternatives available for you to get the help that you need to begin your recovery. As I’ve said so many times, there is help available!
In today’s world the opportunities are endless! Most anything that you can do in person, face to face, can also be done online. There are numerous websites available that allow you to seek out information to take the steps to recovery yourself. These are vast, and they are varied in their actual assistance. Some will have a vast amount of help learning about co-dependence and how to help yourself, while others may merely be fluff that is full of misdirection and poor quality information. There are blogs from those who have come through co-dependence, online forums that allow you to connect with others in your position as well as those who have been there before and wish to help others, there are online 12 step groups, as well as online therapists, counselors and life coaches who have dedicated their lives to helping those who are in a co-dependent relationship and either do not have access to face to face help, or who are too embarrassed or afraid to seek out help in their community.
Keeping your secret….does NOT mean that you have to suffer alone, just as it does NOT mean that you have to hide away without help in your recover.
Perhaps you’ll find that there are multiple tools available and that you’ll be best served by using multiple methods. Seeking out online help sites, while speaking to others in your shoes on forums in addition to communicating with a professional regarding your recovery can be the only thing that saves you from a lifetime of co-dependence. Taking the steps you can to find help is the most important thing you can do for you! As well as recovering for the good of your loved ones. Once you seek out help you’ll find that recovery is much easier and the answers will come to you.
When you find you are in a relationship that you cannot escape, One in which you find that you are so preoccupied with worry for your loved ones illness or fear of their addiction that you crawl into a dark place filled with fear, anger, resentment, and embarrassment. There is an escape route….you are here, which means you have started down the right road. Don’t be afraid to look at the alternatives available to you online, you may find that they are exactly what you need to begin your recovery. Don’t allow an unhealthy or destructive relationship keep you from seeking out and achieving a healthy and happy life, filed with healthy and happy relationships with others!
If this is you, I am happy to talk talk with you, be a listening ear, and offer any solutions for your benefit. Email me at: mattgmorriscoaching@gmail.com