I am currently in place filled with twisted, spiky trees that look like it was taken straight out of a Dr. Seuss book…well, Joshua Tree National Park. It’s an amazing place that is not only known for its beauty, but also known as a place to “get away from the chaos of our world”. I came here with a goal in mind: to understand my feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Sounds pretty intense, eh?
Through meditation, exploring, and documenting EVERY emotion and thought that tip-toes through my mind I am able to connect with my subconscious mind (which is the source of most of our actions), and most importantly explore the thoughts and emotions I am hardly aware of. For instance, what made me feel a particular emotions – such as love, anger, or excitement – and WHY did I feel that way?
Attaching the emotion to the thought, and understanding WHY we feel it – is an incredible process. It’s almost like reaching a whole new level of comfort once emotions are COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD.
I am not a guru at this, but a newbie and am slightly nervous (and excited) about the process of connecting with who I am at the core, and sharing this on FB – which I have been challenged to do by several people, showing a more vulnerable side to myself.
Growing up I was always the kid who was never liked to show emotion – for instance, if someone made fun of me for wearing socks that didn’t match, I wouldn’t show that I cared, even though inside I may have felt totally embarrassed and wanted to open a can of whoopass. Instead, I just let it roll off my shoulder, like it was no big deal and not pay attention to how I was REALLY feeling or exploring what it was about. I mean that’s how MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE, right? Well, now we know that bottling up emotions is “DETRIMENTAL to the mind AND the body. In fact, one of the reasons I had such severe back problems as a teenager, was because of my bottled up emotions (totally neurological) that eventually got resolved when I began to be OPEN WITH MY EMOTIONS.
It was difficult for me to name my emotion because I wasn’t sure WHAT emotion I was feeling – and recently, I’ve found out that there is a plauge of people who are unaware of how they are REALLY feeling. Last week I talked to a precious woman who is around 60 years old and until recently she would bottle every emotion inside. She stated that she has so much regret, inner turmoil and pain from brushing her emotions under the rug, and not exploring or taking the time to be curious about them. She wished she would’ve asked herself, “What’s that about?”
Speaking from experience, it is difficult to take TIME FOR MYSELF to explore my emotions because it requires effort, vulnerability, and keen awareness of self. WAIT! Time for myself?? What’s so wrong with taking TIME FOR MYSELF? Absolutely nothing!
Until recently, I was the person who would brush emotions under the rug and forget about them, instead of exploring them. Over the past few years, I’ve realized that life is all about feeling – and understanding what makes people tick and feel certain feelings (such as love, anger, nervous or excited), and WHY we feel the way we do.
Was it something from the past that has been left unresolved? Or is it something new that I am now aware of?
I want to be more vulnerable, and open my heart more to let others in. As I write this, I feel a tightness in my chest because I am a little nervous about being vulnerable, yet I know it is the best thing to do for present self and future self.
